Set Apart

"Donna, I have called you to a life set apart."

His voice was familiar and comforting, even as the message caught me off guard. I knew this was God's voice I heard. I welcomed it, even though I didn't really understand it.

 I was living in Atlanta in a nursing school dormitory, catching rides with my friends on Sundays to hear Dr. Charles Stanley preach at the First Baptist Church of Atlanta. I was in love with Jesus, and had been since I asked Him to come into my heart when I was nine years old in tiny Pine Mountain, GA, at the little First Baptist Church with Pastor Rexrode. I knew that I wanted to live for Him, and I did seek to share His love with others.

But this call was something different, something startling and intense and sure. I knew, somehow, that this was Serious Business. This was God speaking to me, a very young woman with very big dreams and even bigger questions, doubts and fears. I didn't feel all that  important in the grand scheme of things, and I didn't understand why He would want me. Imperfect, uncertain, awkward and afraid of my own shadow most of the time. I understood the call: God was calling me to commit to Him completely, to be His once and for all, forever and ever. It was as sacred as a marriage proposal to me.

What I didn't know was how in the world I could accept such a Call.

I went for a walk to clear my head. I kicked at stones on the path near my dorm. I closed my eyes and sat on a bench in the courtyard. I waited for the words to go away but they only became stronger. "Donna, I have called you to a life set apart."

I wish I could say I said Yes! to Him immediately, and that from then to now, I have done what He asked of me, lived a set apart life, lived holy before my Lord. But I can't, because I didn't.

What I did was to run as far and as fast and as furiously as I could, to get away from Him.

I embraced the world with the passion I once had for Jesus. I defied my faith. I rushed headlong into sin: doing what I wanted, when I wanted, with whoever I wanted. I was about as far from living a set apart life as any one person can be.

And then one day, He caught up with me.

I was living in a very sinful situation. I was hiding from Him. I knew it and He knew it. And people that loved Him and loved me were praying for me. One night, sitting at a showing of Mel Gibson's movie The Passion, the floodgates broke wide open: I found myself weeping, sitting in a small plastic chair in my front yard under a palm tree and the moon. Tears clogged my nose, my throat, my eyes.

"Lord," I prayed, "if You still want me, as broken as I am, as dirty as I have become, I'm here. You probably don't want me any more but if You do, I want to be Yours again."

Silence fell like a peaceful mantle on me. I felt His presence strong and mighty beside me. Buoyed by the grace of his presence, I went a step further.

"Please bring me to You no matter what it takes," I added, heart in my throat.

Ten days later, I was  diagnosed with a brain tumor on the right frontal lobe of my brain. Though the tumor was not malignant, it was atypical, meaning it had a great chance of recurring. The morning I was rolled in for brain surgery, I checked in with Him first.

"I am here and I will serve You, Lord," I whispered.

When I woke up from surgery I was covered in tiny spots, where I had scratched myself while taking the morphine for the pain. I still had massive headaches, and my balance was off. I would learn to walk again with the help of my physical therapist, but it wasn't easy going. Still, I was surrounded, lifted up on every side, with a supernatural peace.

He had called me to a life set apart, and I was determined, finally, to live it for Him.